Falling

A failure I celebrate
Betrothed to tragedy and hate,
Forgotten by mistake
And thrown out - shameful fake!

Of loss I holiday create
Chained to the guilt and lust,
Exposed like nakedness of fate
With all its pitiful disgust!

The pain and sufferring I cheer
Attached to mundane days,
When love and soul disappears
And only sorrow stays!

The failure, loss and pain - My Friends!
My smile goes to thee;
In helpful and supportive sneer
And falling to my death in glee...

Survival of the haters

Numb stare,
Steep fare
As I dare
To raise up.
When crowd says, "No!"
I say, "Yes!"
The words
Like swords
Pierce and confuse.
Last fuse
Blown,
Thrown with poems.
Forever forgotten
And rotten
In fear.
Oh, dear!
I think I have lost it,
And madness I've hosted.
Hoisted the love.
Replaced it by sadness.
Remained quite alive
But dead on inside
With heart beating loud
But empty of pride.
I resign from this life.
I am tired of fighting,
I hate to survive...

Creator

Joy in every one of you
The truth  and the transparency:
I see through you,
My fallacies all shine,
Like fiery pebbles in the world that I create for you.
A handful, an inifinity of souls
I make from templates, empty words.
I pick up pencils and my paints
And see what mind creates.
The whispers of your hearts,
They beat and someone loves, then someone hates.
As I fly above, entagled, driven forth by fate.
Sadness in everything I have to now erase.
A smile of each and everyone's forgotten face
I take with me. An empty template will remain.
And every time I feel remorse and shameful pain.
And then I start anew, destroy and recreate again.

When words are helpless

I want to clear my memories,
Forget the past and what has been.
The road in light and shodow of fate
The sign of future fading, oh so late!

I crave to break my soul free
For all the fears and labours be
Enchanted and forgotten
Beyond your pushing me, so rotten!

I smile at your attempts of wisdom
The neverending cycle of this boredom!
Betrothed to the cliches of kingdom
That perished, love and cares all forgotten!

I die without your graceful, awful words!
No need for the attempt to sacrifice this plot.
The reasons that you might have entertained
Are nothing but a dull, dry rain...

I laugh, or maybe it's just tears
The freavolous extent of my trapped soul
The helpless need to speak without words
The faithful honor in the absence of the lords!

Farewell, the past and present, all the same!
I started on a book, it ended without fame!
The nothingness in me has won the fight,
Beyond this struggle nothing left,
No will,
No strength,
No light...

Interrupted from within.

My soul is dancing in the wind,
Of happyness in life it sings
When it's approached by lowly fiend
And interrupted from within.

My soul is starving for attention
An admiration's one best friend.
Releasing the unwanted tension,
I sacrifice myself again.

My soul is bored, needs entertainment.
I'm spent, exhausted, nothing new...
The final push for the attaiment
Of chance so I can start anew.

My soul is raging, sorrowfully broken.
I'm drunk with pain and disbelief.
To me of loss and coldness you have spoken
Forever drowning me in grief.

My soul has perished, end of story.
I am lost in ocean of regret.
I am doomed forever not to worry
Of things that make our beings fret.

My soul,
My feelings,
The elusions,
Confused or causing this confusion,
Abused or wanting to abuse,
I have to end this hopeless ruse.

My soul is being torn by wind
Of sorrow in life it sings
My empty heart was struck by fiend
And interrupted from within.

Chances

Smile upon the world
No single leaf is left unturned
No sole survivor stands to witness
The pale remedy, my sickness,
The drunken fury of last days.
I spill my self in wastefull fray
Of lustfull, gutless admiration.
My past, an enemy of present
Creator's own, so fallible creation.
I look beyond the sky,
The atumn with its wintry chills
And sun. Its coldness stills my eyes
As icicles its shining feels.
I watch as world revolves
Around and past my life.
I notice as it dutifully dissolves
The rest of my undying love.
To thee I bid my selfish smile,
Last laugh, so guillible and guile.
Last sad, reproachful look.
Last chapter in this daunting book.
Last everything, lost all
Farewell, it's time to fall.
And time again to start anew,
Last chance, or maybe quite a few...

World and words

I feel akward in this world


It feels like skin of someone's shoulder,

This world.

I touch the lips, I speak the words

In this world.

It feels like empty solitude, being locked

In this world.

I aspire to be like someone in this world.

A person, a being of know statue, to be praised

By this world

I fall on my knees, I am desperate

Of this world.

The likeness to the reflection I see

Through this world.

I feel hurt and corrupted,

Terrified, mangled, abrutly interrupted.

The roaring shadow of desire

Suppressed by the neverending fire,

As we burn this world.

But I still feel akward in this world.

After all the emotion is gone

From this world.

When the last drops of rain like tears fall

On this world.

I no longer belong to this world!

I no longer feel this world!

The skin is peeled from this world.

It reveals empty ashes,

Empty words,

Sad world.

Unload

Look into my eyes!
Get dazed, confused, entranced
By cruel magic of my goodness,
The selfish cover so well faked.
Become my slave, fall to your knees
In suffocating agony of adulation.
Find every possible, disgusting way to please,
In eyes of this forsaken world, God's pitiful creation.
Hang on a cross for me a bit.
Find out how the rusting nails feel,
All human anger, lust and spittle
The laughing crowd manages to deal.
Look into my eyes!
You'll find there nothing but contempt
And tired emptyness,
An undelivered message. Just pretend
To show interest instead
And fill me with some old soul for the road,
Some pride and self-respect,
When into the night my life I will unload.
The end...

Weapons of intellect

Definitely, maybe,
I am sure, I don't know,
Don't bother, accept me,
I am full, I am still hollow.
Decisions, corrections
With muddy precision
Of stale affections
Despise and ignore me
But I'm aunaffected.
Lost in confusion
With major contusion to my intellect
The world and its drama I somewhat neglect.
Its spittle and glory,
The coldness of stares
Filledwith fake worries
And self-adulation
That such would entail.
I'm grasping for rails
Then slip and fall down
In a shaky embrace of ignorant crowd.
I feel desecrated but still I am proud,
Bent and exhausted, the pain roaring loud.
A tear snakes its way down, painting wrinkles
On a face with eyes shut. Love, bring us
To the end of this exhile!
We tried for a while
But now its done.
Like a firing gun
The ammo depleted, feelings are spent
The life at its ending I'll always regret.

Kisses painted with regretful smiles

A kiss, a smile, a regret.

One face that I will not forget
Amidst an ocean of mistakes.
Within the body of eternal lies i've made
It dawns on me like dying sun
Replaced by night when day is gone.
It mocks me - bitter, smiling globe.
My face feels doused will electrodes.
The shock makes eyes cry tears
And turn them into shameful, mindless fears.
I fall and break my knees.
Wherever my head lands I'll plead
For one last kiss,
For one last hope,
For smile. But all I get is spiral slope
That takes me down to basics.
My instinct trapped in cluttered spaces,
My life is praying for a chance.
But mind just sees an endless dance
Of kisses, smiles. And regrets
Continue filling weakend heart with loss.
I've grown out of this universe,
I'm done.
The thought keeps turning,
Nauseating vertgo in shining blackness of a gun...

Ego

Argh! Pain runs through veins
Like crazy vines that reign
And reel me in without escape!
A dark and mindless escapade,
A rhythm of sick existence
Beats, pleads for pestilence.
Life besides the human soul
Aside the human drama gone AWOL.
Stump on the faces that cry to you!
Smash the lips that try to kiss you!
Spit in the eyes of their trust!
Promote sweet, salivating disgust!
Die like a useless rat!
I hope you burn, I won't fret.
I hope you'd disappear.
Your smell of sadness I won't hear.
And when you are gone
I'd feel temptation of a gun,
Its loving, gentle touch
Against a hairless, sweaty patch.
The strength to resist I let go
As I search, crave, grovel for my ego!
And when I'll find you-it at last
Argh! The pain I'd feel like flashback from the past...

Behind the glass

Behind the glass stained with my breath
I spy as she accepts his careful caress
As he leans into her warmth, a gentle kiss,
Their bodies intertwined in bliss.
Of love and passion,
I am their witness, in a fashion.
Perverted audience, a creep
As for their happiness I weep.
Behind a hair-thin transparent border
I feel no warmth, inside me - order,
But on the other side is chaos
So unattainable, unfair for us.
For me, for you as we trade glances
Filled with static forms and stances.
Pretense of love and stale legacy
This cold side of a glass I see
While sweet sweat comes in swells
Of heat from what has been and all is well
When I press my head against the coldness of the glass
Imagining, again, the past, the love, and us...

I am alive

I admire the heights achieved,
Stressed, but suddenly relieved
Strained , but somehow relaxed.
Recalling all the time I was boxed,
Trapped, caught, abused by hopes
Tied up by circumstances like ropes.
The maddening drive and senseless beliefs
Profiting only in sorrow and grief
Are all gone, all in the past
I have given up at last.
Trashed all my dreams,
Bought a shiny barcode.
Sold my rage, my love, my honor and code.
Enlisted in army of patiently climbing,
Ridiculously callous, all knowing, but not rhyming
Meticulously stumping on heads of the crowd,
Gray shadows with hungry smiles, tall and proud.
But then I reach the edge and drop
Away from shoulder pats, non-stop.
I crash, I burn,
I break all god damned bones.
I gather up myself like jigsaw puzzle
I stare straight at pointed muzzle
Of the skyscraper I will have to climb again
My lips, my nostrils, skin taste rain
A smile slowly lights up behind my eyes,
I am stressed, I am strained, I am alive!

Dedication

I look up high into the night
And ponder life, its absence.
I disagree with its forboding right
To end without a pronounced sentence.
I dream of an eternal state
A presence spread across all time
But I end up with an estate
That's worth a little more than dime.
I cry and scream and claw my face
In rage, in fear and sorrow
I am afraid of unknown space
And so way deep I burrow.
I crave for righteous pretense
But none gets rendered to me
My body cringes as I tense
And understand this all too lucid.
My dreams, my loves, my hates,
The ethereal center placement,

They laugh at me as I embrace

The nakedness of my own ending.

I die and freed my soul flees

Away to dark and endless sky

The weighless and entrancing glee

As high above the world I fly.

And then I fall, and then wake up

To find myself just staring

At cracked and torn, but still intact

And tired face I am wearing.

I wink, I close my eyes and feel

The wind that's still within me

And then I get back to the real,

A life that I create for thee.

Social cataclisms

You see them flock around you
Like roaches around scraps
Their modeled faces looking new
On top of tightly holding straps
They suck you dry
And leave you be
Alone, forgotten, broken
Illustrous smiles of fake glee
That smell like something rotten
Portray their carelessness and lust
Their need for adulation
Your helpless nakedness is just
Next step in their salvation
Your blood - their food
And tears - their wine and glory
And only bones remain afoot
An end to lovly foray
The social cataclisms at last
Have eaten. End of story.

We do not fit

We do not fit in rationale of proper shapes
We do not bind with straight and simple lines,
Safe colors,
Childproof toilets
And patronizing warnings.
We pay the hefty fines
For creative outbreaks,
Forlorns of hopes and dreams
The madness and our crazy callings.
We strive to break all rules
We do not blend into the shallow forms
Of mass hysteria,
Consumer dreams,
Of wink and shake of favors.
We open our callused, bruised faces
To stones and dirt,
To spittle and agony of hate,
To the majority of white teeth and braces.
But when we are no more
We melt your hearts
With our blood and gore
That we were forced to take
So everyone we'd make
As happy and enlightened
As you are today.

Let go

I am letting go of you
As sun lets go of a day at dusk
As night relinguishes starlight at dawn.
I am putting on a mask
A smile of ignorance carved in stone.
But fake and blinding pinkish hue
Of dreams still come to me.
They peel off from my mind
Like leper's skin.
I try to make it right
But all I get is crooked grin.
The pain I am supposed to feel
Is but a dull and nagging whisper
And even that I cannot hear.
Rewinding life like movie reel
Consumed and suffocated by its twisting
I shed gray hair and not a single tear.
The film is broken and I am out of tape
A tearing mouthful of sharpened teeth
A gap that I cannot bear to cross.
I am out of breath and still to late
When into your disappearing back I breathe
The words that sound all too false.
You have let go of me
Like sun that leaves us in the dark
Like night relieved by blinding light.
You have let go without a start
And left all memories behind
While I am still trying to break free!