Aren't we all saints

I put my halo down
To exercise my rage -
The fist that beats behind my face
Against the ugly cage.

I put my halo down
To exercise my hate
For all unique and different
A pyre I’ll create.

I put my halo down
To exercise my lies,
Into the face of dearest ones
I spit my best disguise.

I try to put my halo on
For justice and for peace,
But fingers of my hand it burns,
Into the dust it slips.

And there it lies; and still my own
Or so the others see
For when I put my halo on
Like real it will be.

Loneliness of thought

I am alone in sea of human thought
A raging, mindless struggle of an idiot
Creating ripples in the puddle of naïve belief
In love that should have spared me with grief
But sorrow rages in the weakened heart
A shapeless cloud hanging over me, so dark
Foreboding wisdom of the naked soul
That lurks in me, but cannot find its home
I am alone, but loneliness I greet
With smile of my bared, sharpened teeth
And open arms to welcome my demise
In spite of rationale that I despise
I claw at dirt as I can’t reach the sky
The stars, clichés, they pierce my eyes
I am alone, so I can ponder universe
And senseless row of words called verse
A sequence of fake feelings washed away
And the Admirer - my only prey
Eyes shut and fingers crossed, I’m lost
The emptiness of failure is my host
And darkness welcomes me in to abyss
Where dead and living states I’ll miss
Quick frown, laughter snatched by wind
Tomorrow yesterday I’ve seen
Today the past will take what’s called
For loneliness has seized my thoughts
For you have stopped your warm embrace
My brain, though lives, has died with grace
My heart, though beats, has stopped
In mindless struggle of an idiot
I drown in the endless sea
And no one’s there to help as I can see…

Snowflakes

Dust and ash like snowflakes
An aftermath of fake
A match between illusion and a lie
One hard decision to survive
One thought to love, another to give up
In front of window to another world, I’ll stop
Admiring the beauty of unreal hopes
And pushing sins up steep and endless slopes
A world where thought does not exists
Where premonition will not breathe
Where beauty is inside
A world to which my heart will rise
To only fall in realization of a lie
Romantic notion with a frozen smile
A sorrowful example and a torture for my soul
Reminder of one’s place
Cheap dog food in a golden bowl
Belief that’s meant to shatter in its prime
And truth that is considered worst of lies
Ironic notions, fumes of love
Betrayal of one’s freedom
And old man’s exhausted cough
A wrinkled face of youth my shadow reflects
My love I can proclaim in thousand dialects
And thousand times I will fall short
One million mistakes of any sort
Will be remembered, catalogued and ranked
But suddenly my mind goes blank
I suddenly won’t care any more
And slam shut all the open doors
In silence now, darkness whirls within
A lonely, mindless broken dream
Cold fear envelopes me in its embrace
With lusty, razor kisses made of lace
And rushing warmth of blood
Will soak me in its red caress
As slowly my veins I will undress
As slowly in loneliness I drown
Life’s simple, used up clown
In dust and ashes
In myself created fake
And match between illusion and a lie
Is lost and won by neither side
All the decisions made, are now empty snowflakes
That fall and die to live to fall and die again…

Hyptonized

Light shines through burden in my eyes
A tasteless, meaningless decline
Of restless soul proclaimed for doom.
The gray line of my mind, so gloom!
Anxiety of loss when reaching is so close
When winning is to loose yourself
Amidst a beautiful farewell, my madness reeks
Of stale, forbidden fruit, a passion for betrayal
The orange sun is in my eyes - just fragile, dying star
Its pale features colored with disgust of human stain
I’ve caused you pain
Sadistic smile does not appear
My face is empty of emotion
I am numb and cannot feel
Behind the dust and door on rusty hinges
Through the coma of chemical imbalance
Pure of hatred and belief in masochistic wisdom
Is me, presenting yet myself to court of jesters
Pranksters, dealers in death and empty social escapades
I am trapped and see no fire escapes
And no exit signs will light my way to freedom of my soul
I am alone and fool for that
There is no freedom, only fake that fills my heart
With empty promises as I disembark
To lead my journey from this madness
Into another world, where I’ll be sad, but less
Enthusiastic about taking my own life
And razor blade or sharp and trusted kitchen knife
Will hypnotize my eyes no more
Farewell my sick and dearest state
Of disillusions, self-centeredness and pampered egoism
Belief in greatness of my own self is gone
I drop the gun, pressed against my temple, on the floor
I will not shoot as I am free at once from burden in my eyes
A tasteless, meaningless decline has hit the spot
And carcass of the soul has stopped its doom
My mind is so distinct in black and white perspective, not so gloom!
Not anymore as I tore the chains from tired heart
A fresh, new start I’m not afraid to take
I was once hero build on lies and world of fake
And now that I fell from sky to ground
Of clarity and wisdom in pure spirit I am proud
Light shines no more and I can raise my eyes
For now it’s my turn to hypnotize…

Contradiction

Think how ironic this is
When people tell lies
The true meaning never exists
Under the makeup and disguise
When lovers smile behind hateful thoughts
Forever bearing the weight of truth
The charade of clowns and idiots
And lust smiles through the missing tooth
Blinded by dreamers and their paradise
Wishful and hapless in this life
I walk the fate’s thin lines
For a bit of painful reality I strive
For a bit of sorrow in my heart
Hoping for jealousy to appear
Hoping for normal life so hard
I cower in disgust and fear
Coveting relief through pain
Bringing meaning to myself
Finishing last rules of this game
In your final dreams I’ll dwell
Think how ironic this is
When people tell truth
When true meaning kills
And all of your life is abuse
When lovers cringe from hateful thoughts
With protruding thorns of truth
When nobody laughs at the idiots
And lust is put on snooze
Think how ironic this is
To contradict one’s self
Think but don’t be amused
Ponder but never tell...